I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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