Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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