so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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