I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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