oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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