rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
