It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
