I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
