I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
