They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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