I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize