i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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