I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
