i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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