Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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