he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize