Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
