Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
