now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
