So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
