I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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