If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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