I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
