Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
