True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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