I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize