ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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