The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize