My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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