went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
