Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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