I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
