I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
