you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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