If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
