Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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