Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
