I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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