I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
