Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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