O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
