I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize