Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
