Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
