He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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