cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she smelled like a LAN party
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
