then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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