i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
