if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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