So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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