i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
