dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize