mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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