ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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