too bad you live with your parents still
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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