So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
