Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize