Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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