Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
