he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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