I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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