thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
time to smoke my breakfast
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize