Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
