Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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