Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
