it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
