watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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