She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
