i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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