I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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