Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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