Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
