Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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