My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
