You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
