just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
