no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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