the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
