Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
