So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are the jesus of drinking
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
