I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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