I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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