He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
