you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
