I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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