He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
