please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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