it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
