sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
