I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
