I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
