I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
