I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
