Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
