Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
