Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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