I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
