I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
