I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
