I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
