So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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