I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
