he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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