I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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